Etiquette 101: Navigating the dos and don’ts of table manners

Getting Started Right

If you’ve been invited to an event, make sure you respond to let the host or hostess know you will be in attendance. Arrive on time for the event (not early and not “fashionably late”), and make sure you are always gracious towards your host/hostess and the other guests.

When you sit down for a lunch or dinner with an interviewer, or even just family and friends, it’s important to get the details right.

Make sure you place your napkin on your lap as soon as you are seated. Take a look at your silverware and remember that course silverware accompanies course china service.

It’s polite to wait for everyone at your table to be served before beginning to eat, and when passing food platters, you should pass them around the table rather than across.

Remember that some foods are better eaten at home. Spaghetti and other messy foods might taste great, but they can be a disaster to consume. Consider carefully what will be easiest to eat while carrying a conversation at the table.

Lastly, if you are in doubt about proper procedures, look around you and follow good example!

Dress Code Dilemma

What’s really the difference between formal, semi-formal, and informal? How do you distinguish the boundaries and avoid showing up to a black-tie affair unprepared? Here’s a list of the general rules to think about when considering how to dress for an occasion.

Formal

For men, this means a tuxedo, tuxedo shirt, black or white tie, suspenders or cummerbund, black shoes and socks. For women, formal attire consists of long or mid-length evening dresses with matching shoes, evening bag, and jewelry.

Semi-Formal

Men should wear a dark business suit, white dress shirt, dark tie, and dark shoes; dinner jackets or blazers are also acceptable. Women should wear a knee-length or mid-length evening dress, cocktail dress, or evening suit.

Informal

Men can wear a polo-style shirt, golf shirts, or patterned shirts with dress slacks, golf slacks, or dress blue jeans. Women can wear slacks, sport coordinates, and dress blue jeans.

Stumped by Silverware

As a general rule of thumb, use silverware from the outside in. At more formal events, there will often be multiple forks, spoons, and knives near your plate. A spoon and/or fork located above your plate is designated for dessert, but for all other utensils, the outside-in rule works for any amount of courses.

When food has been served, you should never cut more than three bites at one time. It’s also best to always pass dishes to the right if you’re passing along the main dishes at a meal.

Never put silverware on the table surface after it has been used. Instead, lay it on the butter plate.

To indicate that you have finished eating a meal, place your silverware together on your plate in a clock position of 10 to four, with the handles at four.

Puzzling Particulars

Dinners and lunches are fairly straightforward, but there’s always those strange foods that are tempting but difficult.

If there’s candy at the table, only take one piece at a time. You should try to avoid leaving behind wrappers that show how many you have had.

Raw veggies and dip require the well-known rule of thumb: no double-dipping. Small fruits like cherries and berries should be grasped by the stem and secured by the teeth when eating. You can remove the pit from cherries by hand.

Shish Kabob served on a metal skewer can be removed by holding the skewer on one end with your left hand and sliding the food onto the dinner plate with a fork in your right hand.

Last but not least is the tricky but lovable spaghetti. The fork accompanied by a spoon can be used when eating spaghetti by twirling a small portion on the fork using the spoon to guide it on.

Wine Etiquette

If wine is being served by the bottle, it will be presented to the host/hostess to allow them to verify that the proper bottle is being served. When approval is given, the bottle is uncorked and approximately one ounce of wine will be poured into the host or hostess’ glass. Once the host/hostess approves, wine will be served to the rest of the table.

For proper wine service, a wine glass should never be lifted when filling or refilling it. Red wines are typically poured to fill about half the glass, while white wines are poured to fill roughly two-thirds the glass.

Drink Up

Wine glasses can be difficult to navigate if you don’t know what you’re up against. As a general rule of thumb, the glass with the wider opening is designated for red wine, while smaller glasses are used for white wine.

Drinking alcohol in moderation is considered acceptable at most interviews involving a meal. However, keep in mind what your companions are drinking, and limit yourself to one glass if others are drinking as well.

It’s also important to note the basics. Remember that you shouldn’t drink while you’re still eating food. Finish eating, and then take a drink.

Proper Plates

If there’s more than one plate at your seat, the top one is generally reserved for your first course and/or bread. When you’re finished with the first plate, place it neatly off to the side with the appropriate utensils and move on to the main course’s plating and silverware.

Smudged Silverware

If your silverware is smudged or dirty, never wipe them with your napkin. Graciously ask your server or host/hostess for replacement silverware instead.

Finishing Touches

You’ve survived (and hopefully enjoyed) your time with the host/hostess and other guests. Now it’s time to impress even after the event is over.